So Cam and I have been together for a week!
I mean that literally. We have LITERALLY been together for a week. I sleep at his place, he at mine. We have our meals together we brush our teeth together we take the subway together. Because we're in the same show, we see each other at work (though its mostly brief encounters in passing while we're ripping one costume off and throwing on another in six seconds).
The only time we weren't together this week was for about four hours while I was re-dubbing some audio for a short film I shot.
I'm pretty amazed that we're not at all sick of each other. Usually, I start having murderous rage blackouts if I spend more than five hours with the same person, but I just can't get enough of Cam. He is just so entertaining and awesome (he says the same of me...*blush*).
Not to mention the toned, tan body and amazing make-out ability.
But I fear a dark day has dawned...
(Whoa drama)
The show has closed, so we won't see each other every night of the week and he has just gotten on a bus to Montreal for a week to work with a modern dance company...full of hot, gay dancers who are probably way more fit and flexible than me.
I know...its just a week, right? WRONG!!
He gets back on Sunday and I go in for some MAJOR SCARY BLOODY SURGERY on Wednesday. I'll be in the hospital for a week and then recovering at my parents' house two hours away for another week.
I feel a little ripped off. The timing has been bad from the start. Just when we finish the show and begin the process of proving that our amazing relationship is not a showmance, he leaves for a week and I leave for another two.
Text messages can only get so hot before you get bored (or they get super awkward).
We have agreed to constantly call and text each other. He's been texting me from the bus for the past couple of hours about how sore his ass is from sitting for so long.
Yeah...we're already at that point...
I'm going to watch something Disney and eat some cookies and then go to bed. Alone. For the first time this week.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
A Surprising Update
Okay internet, some surprising news.
After totally giving up on Cam and ending the backstage flirting, I am now dating him.
Yep. Here's what went down.
After expressing my concern that the constant backstage flirting may lead to me being locked up in a crazy-house for stalkers and cutters, Cam and I held to our promise not to flirt with each other. For about twelve minutes.
In fact, it got worse.
He finally told me that he was in a very awkward position. He had only been dating his boyfriend for a couple of weeks when we met and regretted that he rushed into things with him. We came to terms with the fact that though we both have feelings for each other, that it would be mature and honorable to keep these feelings at bay until the circumstances allow us to express them further.
We implemented a strict "no touching" rule. Even when I missed a train home and had to sleep at his place. No touching!
Eventually, I told him that he is going to have to break someone's heart if he wants to be happy and that I am prepared to back off if he decides its me. I'm super impressed with my selflessness at this point (I needed to earn some extra karma points, badly).
He broke up with his boyfriend. (**insert girl squealing noise**)
We're not committing to anything super official at this point. We're both conscious of the 'showmance' curse and don't want to end up hurt in the end. I hope I`m doing the right thing...
After totally giving up on Cam and ending the backstage flirting, I am now dating him.
Yep. Here's what went down.
After expressing my concern that the constant backstage flirting may lead to me being locked up in a crazy-house for stalkers and cutters, Cam and I held to our promise not to flirt with each other. For about twelve minutes.
In fact, it got worse.
He finally told me that he was in a very awkward position. He had only been dating his boyfriend for a couple of weeks when we met and regretted that he rushed into things with him. We came to terms with the fact that though we both have feelings for each other, that it would be mature and honorable to keep these feelings at bay until the circumstances allow us to express them further.
We implemented a strict "no touching" rule. Even when I missed a train home and had to sleep at his place. No touching!
Eventually, I told him that he is going to have to break someone's heart if he wants to be happy and that I am prepared to back off if he decides its me. I'm super impressed with my selflessness at this point (I needed to earn some extra karma points, badly).
He broke up with his boyfriend. (**insert girl squealing noise**)
We're not committing to anything super official at this point. We're both conscious of the 'showmance' curse and don't want to end up hurt in the end. I hope I`m doing the right thing...
Thursday, January 13, 2011
All the good ones are taken...
Dear internet,
I haven't posted in a while because I've been working on an epic failure for the past few weeks. This is going to be a long one. Here we go.
I am currently dancing in a show downtown. I use the term "dancing" loosely. I mostly walk to tempo. In any case, I started the show late and had to put in extra rehearsals to get caught up. I was to meet with the choreographer outside of rehearsal time for one-on-one sessions so I didn't show up not knowing anything and pissing everyone off.
On my first day with the show, I walk into the studio and am greeted by the choreographer, a short, dancer-type woman in a lot of layers and jazz pants and the dance captain, a tall, lean dancer in baggy sweatpants, over-sized wool socks and a hilarious graphic T. Let's call this guy Cam. I learn early on that Cam is there to be my "girl" in all the partnered choreography. I know I am in trouble as soon as we start the first tango.
I can't help but be a little attracted to how confident he is. From what I've noticed, when a guy is a little effeminate, they tend to apologize for their behavior by either putting on the gayest show they can perform or lack confidence all together. Not Cam. He knows who he is and if you don't like it, you can go fuck yourself. I was smitten.
In the rehearsals that followed, we started to connect. Not only would we sit together during the extensive notes sessions we received daily, but we would take breaks together, doing adorable things like read classic novels in the lobby together, while everyone else went for food. At one point, after receiving direction to not hold hands with our partner during a particular scene in the show, Cam expressed his dislike for the idea by holding my hand. For a solid two minutes. In front of everyone.
Now, maybe I was being pathetic and my wishful thinking combined with an overactive imagination distorted what might be innocent friendliness into steady flirtation, but I kinda fell for it.
Hard.
I learned from a friend, who is also in the show, that Cam was seeing someone and though it's not too serious, another guy exists. So, I did what any awkward guy in this situation would do, and brought it up to Cam. He pretended to not hear the part about his boyfriend and quickly changed the subject.
It starts to get weird.
My birthday arrives and I have to spend it in rehearsal. Though Cam occupies most of my time, I have managed to make other friends and coerced them into taking me out. It became a bit of an event and people were pretty excited for an excuse to be with each other outside the stress and sweat of rehearsal. Cam doesn't show for my party and the next day pretends that he had no idea that it was my birthday (though the cast sang the birthday song to me in three part harmony...it was beautiful).
I kinda get the message. I saw the movie. He's just not that into me!
Because I'm so mature and emotionally stable, I totally ignore him for a day. This, of course, drives him fucking nuts and I can tell he's dying for my attention. I finally give the poor guy a break and start a really nonchalant conversation about the weather or kittens or something, when another cast member says, "Oh, thank God. Cam was bitching all night about how you've been ignoring him."
WHAT!?
Only someone with romantic feelings would care, right?
RIGHT!!??
As the days go on, the flirting turns to hot touching and even spooning on a prop bed (much to the chagrin of the stage manager). He even takes me (and only me) out for dinner where we talk and connect like soul mates.
Then comes the breaking point.
He says to me in a casual way, "Why aren't we dating?" To which I respond, "Because you have a boyfriend." Without hesitation he says, "Well that can easily be taken care of."
At this point I've had enough. History tells me that I am about to fall into crazy love with Cam and start thinking about our grandchildren. I can't let this happen. So I decide to just nip this critter in the bud before I start carving his name in my arm and smelling his soiled socks.
To shorten this already too long post, I'll simply finish in bullet points.
- I tell Cam that the flirting should probably stop because I have a tendency to get hurt in these situations.
- He apologizes and then gives me an oh-so-friendly reminder of his boyfriend who he is in love with and would never hurt.
- To make me feel better about myself he offers, "If I wasn't seeing someone, I'd be all over you."
- I'm like....you were! Piece of shit.
- Now things are awkward and I have no one to cuddle backstage (except that weird girl who thinks she's a gay man and touches us inappropriately).
I hope I did the right thing by ending my suffering quickly. I know honesty is the best policy but I feel like I've just been broken up with. Why am I crazy?
One day I hope someone is as into me and I am them.
I haven't posted in a while because I've been working on an epic failure for the past few weeks. This is going to be a long one. Here we go.
I am currently dancing in a show downtown. I use the term "dancing" loosely. I mostly walk to tempo. In any case, I started the show late and had to put in extra rehearsals to get caught up. I was to meet with the choreographer outside of rehearsal time for one-on-one sessions so I didn't show up not knowing anything and pissing everyone off.
On my first day with the show, I walk into the studio and am greeted by the choreographer, a short, dancer-type woman in a lot of layers and jazz pants and the dance captain, a tall, lean dancer in baggy sweatpants, over-sized wool socks and a hilarious graphic T. Let's call this guy Cam. I learn early on that Cam is there to be my "girl" in all the partnered choreography. I know I am in trouble as soon as we start the first tango.
I can't help but be a little attracted to how confident he is. From what I've noticed, when a guy is a little effeminate, they tend to apologize for their behavior by either putting on the gayest show they can perform or lack confidence all together. Not Cam. He knows who he is and if you don't like it, you can go fuck yourself. I was smitten.
In the rehearsals that followed, we started to connect. Not only would we sit together during the extensive notes sessions we received daily, but we would take breaks together, doing adorable things like read classic novels in the lobby together, while everyone else went for food. At one point, after receiving direction to not hold hands with our partner during a particular scene in the show, Cam expressed his dislike for the idea by holding my hand. For a solid two minutes. In front of everyone.
Now, maybe I was being pathetic and my wishful thinking combined with an overactive imagination distorted what might be innocent friendliness into steady flirtation, but I kinda fell for it.
Hard.
I learned from a friend, who is also in the show, that Cam was seeing someone and though it's not too serious, another guy exists. So, I did what any awkward guy in this situation would do, and brought it up to Cam. He pretended to not hear the part about his boyfriend and quickly changed the subject.
It starts to get weird.
My birthday arrives and I have to spend it in rehearsal. Though Cam occupies most of my time, I have managed to make other friends and coerced them into taking me out. It became a bit of an event and people were pretty excited for an excuse to be with each other outside the stress and sweat of rehearsal. Cam doesn't show for my party and the next day pretends that he had no idea that it was my birthday (though the cast sang the birthday song to me in three part harmony...it was beautiful).
I kinda get the message. I saw the movie. He's just not that into me!
Because I'm so mature and emotionally stable, I totally ignore him for a day. This, of course, drives him fucking nuts and I can tell he's dying for my attention. I finally give the poor guy a break and start a really nonchalant conversation about the weather or kittens or something, when another cast member says, "Oh, thank God. Cam was bitching all night about how you've been ignoring him."
WHAT!?
Only someone with romantic feelings would care, right?
RIGHT!!??
As the days go on, the flirting turns to hot touching and even spooning on a prop bed (much to the chagrin of the stage manager). He even takes me (and only me) out for dinner where we talk and connect like soul mates.
Then comes the breaking point.
He says to me in a casual way, "Why aren't we dating?" To which I respond, "Because you have a boyfriend." Without hesitation he says, "Well that can easily be taken care of."
At this point I've had enough. History tells me that I am about to fall into crazy love with Cam and start thinking about our grandchildren. I can't let this happen. So I decide to just nip this critter in the bud before I start carving his name in my arm and smelling his soiled socks.
To shorten this already too long post, I'll simply finish in bullet points.
- I tell Cam that the flirting should probably stop because I have a tendency to get hurt in these situations.
- He apologizes and then gives me an oh-so-friendly reminder of his boyfriend who he is in love with and would never hurt.
- To make me feel better about myself he offers, "If I wasn't seeing someone, I'd be all over you."
- I'm like....you were! Piece of shit.
- Now things are awkward and I have no one to cuddle backstage (except that weird girl who thinks she's a gay man and touches us inappropriately).
I hope I did the right thing by ending my suffering quickly. I know honesty is the best policy but I feel like I've just been broken up with. Why am I crazy?
One day I hope someone is as into me and I am them.
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